2026-03-06

title: "Exceptionals, and the leadership I'd been practicing all along" date: "2026-03-06" excerpt: "Ingrid Tappin's Exceptionals gave me language for something I'd done my whole life... Identity Intelligence. A few of my truths, all at once, and why I stopped hiding them."

I picked up a book two weekends ago and couldn't put it down.

Lucky for you, the official release date is in a couple of weeks, so you still have time to clear a few uninterrupted hours in your agenda in advance to dig in.

The book gave language to something I now know is called Identity Intelligence. Reading Exceptionals, I realized I'd been practicing it my whole life.

Ingrid Tappin 🏳️‍🌈, creator of Identity Intelligence, defines it as:

"The capacity to lead from the full truth of who you are. It's not a personality trait. It's not about performance. It's a leadership edge born out of complexity, grounded in presence, and sharpened by experience."

I read that and felt seen in a way I wasn't prepared for. I texted her immediately!! And I also mentioned this book should be on Oprah Winfrey's book club.

Jumping into the book...

I've always been able to read a room. Because I've had to.

I walk into rooms carrying multiple versions of myself. My outer appearance speaks before I say a single word, and I've learned to let it, strategically.

I could give you a million examples. But for this one, I'll name just one.

While working at Deloitte, I was a member of GLOBE, the Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual Employees and Allies network. I volunteered to present at New Hire Orientation three or four times. We celebrated community, but we also got real: unconscious bias, how to identify it, how to sit with the discomfort of it.

The room always started full of smiles. First-day energy. Interns. Senior professionals. Incoming Partners. People who had worked their entire careers to get a seat at that table.

By the end of my presentation? Forty percent of those smiles were gone, replaced by curiosity, confusion, or flat-out annoyance.

No one wants to face uncomfortable truths. Consciously make someone arrive at their own "aha" about their unconscious bias, and you're bound to stir the doe normaal pot. The wild part? The people who live those truths don't get a choice. We live it every single day.

Anyway, I've decided to stop hiding mine. I use each of them, unapologetically, as a superpower. After reading this book, I even questioned why I ever wanted some of them hidden in the first place.

Here's one truth that might click for you as an identity.

The year before high school, I asked my Dad if we could, kindly, ifykyk, stay put just long enough for me to finish the school year at the same school. He said yes, warmly but genuinely confused.

So I told him: I had moved to a new school every single year since 4th grade. It wasn't always a huge move either. Okay, moving from Maryland to Michigan for my dad to grab his MBA at the University of Michigan, Stephen M. Ross School of Business, was a big deal and two years, but also still (in)conveniently between the switch from one school to another.

Every new school meant new friends. A new introduction. Reading a brand new room. Deciding, again, who I wanted to be in it.

I think that's why people assume I'm an extrovert (surprise!). I can make friends easily. I can show up. But after? I need a corner, some quiet, and a good book... like this one... to decompress.

Here are a few of my truths, all at once:

I'm Black, American, Dutch, and Haitian. I'm a woman, a mom, a wife. I'm a founder. I'm well-traveled and bilingual. I'm a mathematician. I'm high-maintenance and fully self-sufficient. I'm short. I play(ed) volleyball. I wear glasses. I play the flute, trumpet, and violin. I can bump Bad Bunny just as hard as Hans Zimmer.

All of that walks into the room with me. Every time.

Identity Intelligence didn't give me a new identity. It gave me language for the leadership I'd been practicing all along.

And if you've ever had to read a room just to survive it... if you've ever carried multiple truths into a space that only had room for one... this book will make you feel seen in a way you didn't know you needed.

As Ingrid writes:

"Identity Intelligence starts as an internal shift, but it fulfils its purpose only when it becomes shared."

So consider this me, sharing.

You are not alone. And you're more ready than you think.

The book drops in a couple of weeks. Grab it. Highlight it. Hold it. Tell me what you think about it! I'll write another article about the identities I pair with from chapter 3.

Pre-order here: weareexceptionals.com/book

Thank you, Ingrid, for being Exceptional and allowing me to read the pages before the release. Your words are changing the world.